For a Muslim parent, shouting and yelling can be a very bad example especially as children learn about Islam from watching their parents. The little ones get scared of their parents when they yell at them. This could create a wall between parents and their kids.
Screaming and calling your kids names could encourage them to also scream and call names when they get upset. Our kids disconnect from us when we go on an angry outburst. These should be reason enough for parents to stop yelling at their kids. We should remember what Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’alla) told us about restraining anger.
In the noble Qur’an, Allah told us:
“And make haste to forgiveness from your Lord and a garden as wide as the heavens and earth prepared for the righteous who spend in the cause of Allah during comfort and destitution and who put away anger and who pardon the people and Allah loves the doers of good” (Chapter 3: 133-134)
Parents should learn to respond, not react when they are upset, frustrated and overwhelmed with anger. You should try to please Allah and not yourself, your kids, spouse or anyone else. You can please Allah by becoming a good role model for your kids, and always remind yourself that you want to please Allah by behaving in a positive way, by having more control over your behavior and by emulating the Sunnah (ways) of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam. Always make du’a as well.
Below are some steps you can take when you get upset:
- First of all seek refuge with Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’alla)from Shaytan the accursed.
- Don’t start to talk until you calm down. That way you can choose to pick the right words.
- Temporarily remove yourself from the heated situation and leave the area. Only get back to the area when you are certain you have everything under control.
- Sit down or be at ease when you respond to your children.
- Speak softly and slowly to your children.
Anger comes from Shaytan and you are recommended to perform ablution when you become angry.
Parents should also try to sincerely apologize to their kids about their bad behavior when they get angry and try and make amends, and make things better for your kids if you hurt them with your words. You should also take accountability and your kids will be inspired to control their actions and behavior. They will be more respectful, cooperative, and will listen to you when you don’t raise your voice.