Getting married is one of the things every Muslim should look forward to. Not only is finding a spouse a worldly achievement it also completes one’s faith. The Prophet SAW said in a hadith “When a person gets married he has completed half of his religion, so let him fear Allaah with regard to the other half.” Narrated by Al-Bayhaqiin Shu’ab al-Eemaan from al-Raqaashi. This hadith shows us that marriage in indeed an integral part in one’s life and should be treated as such.
When it comes to choosing the right spouse, things can get a little challenging. You must ask yourself what are the right characteristics to look for in a spouse and as always our dear Prophet SAW can be a point of reference for us when making these decisions. We are now going to list certain characteristics to look for and their supporting hadiths.
The Prophet SAW said “A woman is sought in marriage for four reasons; wealth, social status, beauty and deen (piety). So seek the one with deen – may you then be successful.” (Recorded in Bukhari& Muslim). He has clearly made an emphasis on deen as the one quality that supersedes all other qualities. That is not to say one should not look for a spouse with other attributes like beauty, it just means that deen (religion) should be your main focus.
In another hadith also, the Prophet SAW said “The best property a man can have is a remembering tongue (about Allah), a grateful heart and a believing wife who helps him in his faith.” Another indication of how vital choosing a virtuous woman is.
There are also reasons to steer clear from a bad virtue and moral standard. Apart from the heartache she may cause you and destabilizing your home there is more profound consequence to it. Prophet Mohammed SAW said“There are three individuals that, when they supplicate to Allah, their supplication is not answered: a man who has a wife of bad character but he does not divorce her, a man who lends money to another man without taking witnesses, and a man who gives money to a weak minded person.” (Recorded by Al-Hakim).
Although this not a condition for marriage, it is quality that is recommended by the Prophet SAW. Abdullah bin Masud (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said; “Marry virgins, because they have sweeter mouths (i.e. speech) and more fertile wombs, and are easier to be satisfied with little wealth.” (Recorded by at-Tabarani).
In another hadith Jabir b. ‘Abdullah (Allah be pleased with them) reported: I married a woman, whereupon Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) said to me: Have you married? I said: Yes. He said: Is it a virgin or a previously married one (widow or divorced)? I said: With a previously married one, whereupon he said: Where had you been (away) from the amusements of virgins? Shu’ba said: I made a mention of it to ‘Amr b. Dinar and he said: I too heard from Jabir making mention of that (that Allah’s Apostle) said: Why didn’t you marry a girl, so that you might sport with her and she might sport with you? (Saheeh Muslim).
LOVING AND CARING WIFE
Marry a wife that can be loving and caring towards you and avoid those that are arrogant. Abu Uthaynah as Sadafi (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that Prophet SAW said: “The best of your women are those who are bearers of many children, loving, comforting, and tolerant – provided that they have taqwa to Allah. And the worst of your women are those who display their charms, and who walk with arrogance. Such are the hypocrites, and those of them who will enter the Jannah are as rare as are the red-beaked and red-legged crows.” (Recorded by Al- Bayhaqi).
Although beauty should not be your focal point when choosing a wife it is also a desirable trait. Abu Hurairah may Allah be pleased with him reported Allah’s Messenger SAW said: “The best of women is that who pleases him (husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he orders, and does not subject her person or money to what he dislikes.” (Recorded by Ahmad)
Marry a woman with whom you can coexist with peacefully.
Aisha may Allah be pleased with her reported that Prophet SAW said: “Make a (good) choice for your seed; marry who are compatible, and marry (your daughters) to them.” (Recorded by IbnMajah, al-Hakim and Others).