Parents who have not experienced their kids talking back at them should establish the following five ways to prevent this from happening. It is better for you to prevent your kids from behaving this way towards you.
- You should first of all model the way you talk to other people. Children learn from their parents and every time you talk to your in-laws, parents, spouse in a sarcastic, argumentative, snappy, rude, or disrespectful way, your kid is there observing you and will learn those things from you and might believe it is a normal way to talk to others and this might one day come back at you.
The Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) used to say; “The most beloved to me amongst you is the one who has the best character and manners.”
You should treat other people with the best of manners and lower your voice when speaking. Your children will see this and emulate your good behavior and they will in turn speak nicely to you and others.
In Quran Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’alla) tells us:
“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys.” (Luqman 31:19)
- You should recognize your child when he speaks well and give positive attention when the child is being polite. Show to them that you are attentive of what they are saying and show them that you are pleased.
- Listen attentively to what your child has to say to you and look at them as they speak to you. Try to read the emotions of your child and reflect back to him what he have said. Your child will feel that you have listened to him and understood when you do this. Children sometimes get upset when they feel that they haven’t been heard and understood and become angry and feel the need to justify their feelings.
- You should also change the way you command. Anas (Radiyalahu Anhu) said, “I served the Prophet (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) for ten years. He never blamed me by saying: ‘why did you do so’ or why did you not do so?’ And the messenger of Allah had the best character among all of the people.”
Parents should try to find other ways to get their children to do things. You should ask your child to be helpful. Change the way you command to “please help me with this”, instead of “do this!”
- You should also set rules and consequences. Have a set of rules about how you talk to each other. It could be “we speak in soft low voices.” You should then agree on the consequences for breaking this rule.