Five Unproductive Parenting Strategies and Suggestions to Counter Them

Parents sometimes use certain parenting strategies without considering their effectiveness.  Muslim parents have to reflect on their parenting and evaluate whether they are productive or not, so as to make sure that they are raising strong members of the next generation of Muslims.

Below we take a look at some ineffective parenting strategies and suggestions to on how to change them.

#1.Over praising your child

Praising might increase the motivation of the child to do good things, but doing it all the time might de-motivate them as its value decreases. Over-praising might also make the child over-confident and arrogant. It is not wrong to have confidence but overconfidence might turn the child into an arrogant person.

The Qur’an says; “And turn not your face away from men with pride, nor walk in insolence through the earth. Verily, Allah likes not any arrogant boaster.”(Luqman, 31:18)

You should instead use positive feedback like focusing on your child’s efforts. This might relieve the child of the pressure to get everything perfect and will allow him to concentrate better on what he is doing. You can tell your child “You really have tried your best, Maasha’Allah!”

#2.Being too critical to your child

By continually being critical to your child might erode his self-esteem and create resentment, as well as hatred.

Parents should be kind to their children instead. Anas Ibn Malik said that the Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) was kind and treated everyone with kindness, including children.

You should point out the mistakes of your child, and then draw attention to what the child can do well so as not to repeat the action again.

#3.Doing everything for your child

Treating your child like a king or queen and doing everything for him while he sits down doing nothing might make your child dependent and not self-reliant. Doing everything for the child will make him have no idea how to get on in life, since he is used to having everything done for him.

You should instead teach your child to serve you and not the other way round every time. It is okay to do everything for your child when they are very young, but continuing this act as they get older will give the child the expectations of having served by you all the time. You should assign house chores to your child as he/she grows older. This will teach your child some life skill and also to be self-reliant.

#4.Giving into your child’s every whim

Some parents like to over-pamper their kids; they think love and kindness to their children means not denying them anything.

Parents should learn to be firm and consistent and say ‘no’ to their children and be fine with it. You should however know when to say no, because saying no all the time is very disheartening to children.

#5.Being your child’s friend instead of being his parent

Some parents want to be liked very much by their child and want to be fun parents whom their children can get along with easily. This makes the parent avoid setting rules and reinforcing rules for behavioral conduct. Children need to have an authority figure in their lives, so as to guide them on what’s right or wrong. Children also need to respect their parents. But you can still be friendly with your child.

When your child has a clear guideline of what is allowed and what is not, then he can behave within those boundaries.

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