Salient Points on Interrelating with your Child (PART 1.)

#1.Play with Your Children

Playing with your child has an important effect in the nurturing and training of your child.

Imam Ali narrated that “Anyone who has a child, should, for his/her training, bring themselves down to their level of childhood.”

#2.Giving Gifts to Daughters First

When you give out gifts to your children, start with your daughters first.

3. Don’t Hit/Spank Crying Children

It is narrated from the Prophet that you should not hit your babies when they cry, because their crying has a meaning. The first four months of the crying of a baby is the professing the oneness of Allah (Subanahu Wa Ta’alla), the second four months of the baby’s crying is sending blessings upon the Prophet, Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, and his family, and the third 4 months of crying of a baby is praying for the parents.

#4.Saying Salam to Your Children

This builds the sense of personality and character of your child. It is obligatory for elders to reply whenever youngsters say Salam. It was the characteristic of our noble Prophet Muhammad (Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam) to say Salam to either youngsters or elders.

#5.Kissing Children and Being Affectionate to them

As a parent, kissing your children is a manifestation of affection towards them. No parent should feel too big to kiss their children.

#6.Belittling Children

As a parent, you should not ridicule your child’s actions or call them silly.

#7.Respecting Children

You should build the character of your children by respecting them.

#8.Limiting Commands on Your Children

You should not forbid or order your child too much, because this might lead them to rebellious behavior when they get older.

#9.Keep Your Promises

As a parent, you should keep the promises you make to your child. In Islam, keeping promises is a sign of one’s faith. If you break your promises, your children grow thinking that breaking promises is normal and acceptable.

#10.Be Discreet in Your Marital Affairs

As for the sexual training, you should first teach them not to enter your bedroom without asking for permission first. It is recommended for parents to keep a close watch and control over the actions of their children with others and prevent the actions that could increase the sexual instinct of a person, such as going out in mixed gatherings. Children’s have a very high curiosity and very sensitive to what they see and watch, and would want to put it into action or try it out for themselves, not thinking or knowing it might be wrong.

Useful Reminders

Below are some useful points to note:

  • Parents should not play with the genitals of their children since from childhood
  • Parents should be careful when cleaning their children, and make sure other children are not present, especially the ones of a different gender
  • Never leave a child that is going through an inquisitive phase alone or in private form long periods of time. During this phase, do not leave them unattended with someone else
  • Don’t let girls be naked in the presence of others
  • Don’t let 6 year-old girls be kissed by non-mahram men or sit on the lap of a non-mahram man
  • You should create love for Salat in your children. Allah states in the noble Qur’an that Salat keeps one far from ugly acts
  • Do not spoil your child
  • Both during pregnancy and afterwards, you should pray for your child
  • Don’t force your child into doing something you know they are incapable of doing. This might silence the sense of self-trust in them
  • When reminding or requesting for them to do something, you should do it with softness and gentleness
  • Respect your children and speak to them with good manner. This will make the child less likely to rebel against you
  • Foster the love for Allah and the faith of your child in Allah (Subanahu Wa Ta’alla)
  • Adjust to the desires of your child wisely and with the correct techniques
  • Don’t behave bossy towards your child and stay away from grabbing their wrists
  • It is a duty towards parents to foster the innate nature of speaking the truth in children. Parents should make sure this becomes a habit in the child
  • It was narrated that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Alayhi Wasallam, said “May Allah (Subanahu wa Ta’alla) have mercy on the person that helps his/her child in doing good.”

Prevent your child from sinning and don’t lie to them or do silly things in their presence

  • Parents should not use fear as a method of raising their children. This may lead to psychological problems and cause damage to the personality of the child. Excess punishment by parents, especially by the mother may weaken the value of the love the child has in his/her heart for the mother. Silence or a look can sometimes be more effective in making a child understand his/her mistake

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