What Happens to Marriages after The Kids Start Coming?

Marriage is one of the most important things in a Muslim’s life. In Islam, marriage is a legal contract between two people (a man and a woman). One of the very first issues that may cause problems between couples is the time to start a family.

Mostly, when people marry, they are usually in love and happy to tie the knot and live together and give their soul and heart to each other. But after that, things tend to change as time goes on. Couple’s satisfaction with the marriage reduces during the first years of marriage and if the decline is very deep, it may lead to an unexpected divorce between couples.

Looking at couples with kids and those without children, the rate of the decline in relationship satisfaction is nearly twice as steep for couples who have children than those without them.  This however leads to negative impacts, especially if a pregnancy is unplanned. The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents reduces, the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. Therefore, having children may make you miserable, but you will be miserable together.

Although most young couples think that having children will bring them closer together, this has however been found to be a strong and persistent myth among those who are young and in love.

Another thing that happens after having kids is how mothers bear the brunt. It is mothers, not fathers who bear the heaviest burden of becoming parents. Though, both parents have a right to the child, and they are expected to bear the burden of taking care of their children and putting most of their interest aside, women are more likely to become the on call parent, the one who gets to be the friend, teacher, mother, and nurse of the child at home. They tend to cut their outside work hours which eventually lead to the fathers feeling a greater financial burden on their shoulders.

Some mothers also complain of social isolation, not being able to connect with their friends and colleagues properly. All of these changes lead to fundamental and long-lasting effects on a new mother’s circle of support, including with their spouses. The consequences of the relationship strain can be serious and this lead to marital stress, which is associated with many serious physical health problems. These downsides may likely be the reason why most women around the world are choosing not to start a family.

On the other hand, some marriages do improve once the children leave the nest. However, the successful launch of the children may lead others to discover they have little interests and there is nothing keeping them together.

Although some women are not ready to become mothers, but most mothers and fathers rate parenting as their greatest joy. Whereas nearly all mothers’ believe the pain and suffering of child bearing and child care is worth it, most believe that watching your own child grow up is the happiest thing to happen to any couple.

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